Essays, Fiction, Humor/Satire, Prose, Short Stories

Statistics Don’t Lie

Mrs. Brown had a responsibility, a big one. She was guardian of the most precious resource the world had ever had, knowledge. And she was not about to let it escape her sight. Before she was hired for School 405, 29.8% of the school’s books went unreturned each year. Since she’d arrived, only 14.2% had gone missing. Statistically significant improvements like that only happened with dedication, vigilance, and strict check-out procedures. And she wasn’t about to let down her guard for little Breyona Phillips, no matter how politely the little yahoo might ask. Chances were too high that if she let Breyona take a book from the library, it wouldn’t be coming back.

“What do you mean you need another copy of To Kill a Mockingbird?” she asked, keeping the tone light but eyeing the young girl suspiciously.

“The sub asked for one.”

“A sub? What on earth would a sub do with a book?”

“He said he was going to read it.”

“He was going to read it? You mean, to himself?”

“No, aloud. It was what we were reading in class before he came.”

Mrs. Brown was not about to buy that one. A sub wouldn’t read a book aloud to a class. Mrs. Brown looked at Breyona. Breyona looked at Mrs. Brown.

“You really think that man was planning on reading the book aloud to you?”

Breyona shrugged. “Please?” she tried.

“You understand, don’t you, that I have a responsibility.”

Breyona nodded.

“A big one.”

Breyona nodded.

“We can’t just let our books leave this place all willy-nilly can we?”

Breyona shook her head. Mrs. Brown patted it. “I thought you’d understand. Run along back to class, then.”

“But can’t you just let us borrow—”

“Sweetie, what does this place look like?”Breyona and Mrs. Brown looked at the mostly full bookshelves that lined the walls of the library. “You think this is a Block Buster or something?”

“What’s a Block Buster?” asked Breyona.

Mrs. Brown tried a different tact, still keeping her tone sweet. “What do you think would happen if I let every kid in this school come in and borrow a book, huh? How much longer do you think we’d have books? You think books grow on trees?”

“No, ma’am,” said Breyona.

“So why don’t you just run along and tell your sub that he can find something else for you all to do today, OK? OK.” Mrs. Brown started pulling the girl toward the door.

“We just need a couple copies, though,” said Breyona. Mrs. Brown stopped. She had never seen such a persistent student. It was highly suspect.

“Why do you want these books so badly?”

“To read.”

“To read?”

“Just to read.”

“Just to read? Where do you think novels are going to get you, huh?

“But—”

“And this book is well above the average reading level for students in this school. Have you seen the test scores?”

“No.”

“Well, I have. And I know this book is much too hard. If you try to read this one, you will just get discouraged and quit. That would be terrible for your morale.”

“It would?”

“Of course it would. How silly do you think you’ll feel when you get to a word or phrase that you don’t know?”

“IDK,” she said.

“What?” said Mrs. Brown.

“What?”

“What did you just say?”

“I don’t know?”

“Oh, forget it then!” said Mrs. Brown. “Just take it from me. You’re not ready for this book.”

“But Ms. Alloway—”

“Oh, I see. You have an English teacher who has told you that books are important.”

“Yes—”

“She’s teaching you books instead of teaching you skills, huh?”

“She was just reading it—”

“Let me ask you something: Will you EVER need to know the plot to To Kill a Mockingbird to get a skilled job?”

“Well,” Breyona hesitated. “No?”

“Will you ever need to be able to finish an entire novel to get a skilled job?”

“I don’t know.”

“Let’s put it this way: how many jobs out there allow you to just sit around reading novels all day?”

You get to read.”

“Well, of course I read novels!” said Mrs. Brown. “I’m a librarian. I’ve read seventy-two books so far this year. Seventy-two! That’s almost a book a day! But do you think you’re gonna be a librarian? Have you seen the test scores?”

“No ma’am.”

“Are you going to teach English?”

“No.”

“So, statistically speaking, you’ll most likely never need to read anything more difficult than a manual. You need manual-reading skills. SKILLS!”

Mrs. Brown had worked herself into a sweat by now.

“Skills?”

“Skills! Not stories. Don’t let those teachers try to turn you into English majors.”

“Why?”

“English majors starve!”

“Oh,” said Breyona. Then she paused and reached into her handbag. “In that case, you should probably take this one, too.” She produced her own weathered copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. Mrs. Brown smiled and patted her head. “That’s a good girl!” She helped her out the door and closed it behind her. Then she sat down, proudly, at her desk and pulled out her ledger. Her theft rate was now down to 13.9%. She was the best librarian the school had ever had. Statistics don’t lie.

***

This story, which is fiction but draws from real conversations, is a chapter in my novel, The Alloway Files (1.99 on Kindle! $10 for the paperback). The book has been (fairly) recently re-released, with new interior and exterior designs. I’m always hesitant to promote my book in this way, but I think that the absurdity of our nation’s focus on test scores needs to be more widely discussed. The book itself is a “satire” but contains a lot of truth. The thing is, I felt like I was living in a satire the entire time I was teaching in Baltimore. I think it’s a feeling that many educators can relate to–and that many of those outside of the field of education can relate to now that our political scene seems to be playing itself out as something between a satire and a dystopian novel. The world of the book will feel familiar, if a little disorienting.

If you prefer to consume things that are a bit more straightforward, here’s the simplest way I can explain the complex situation of education in our country: Politicians (on both sides of the aisle) use low test scores as justification to shift resources away from the kids who need it most. School choice exacerbates the problem. If you don’t know the effect of school choice on low-income or “at-risk” kids in urban and rural schools, please study up on the problem. I wrote a blog post about that as well, of course. But there are plenty of other resources more authoritative than I am on this matter. Seek them out. My favorite is a book by Diane Ravitch, who helped design No Child Left Behind–only to realize how much damage it ended up causing. I know books are much longer than articles, and it can be a lot to ask someone to take the time to read “more than a manual.” (The last “manual” I read was from IKEA and didn’t even have words.) But, no matter how much we long for it, there is no simple manual or multiple choice answer choice right now that is going to fix the very complicated problems facing our country’s education system. These problems affect you and your kids. Or at least your neighbors. Please read about them with open minds, and more importantly, open hearts.

Previous Post Next Post

You Might Also Like

No Comments

Leave a Reply