Gel No

“Want some?”

“No thanks. I’ve sworn off antibacterial hand gel.”

“Why?”

“I met this dude who researches infectious diseases, and he said that germs are getting way scarier. They’re morphing because antibiotics are getting over-prescribed. He thinks we’re headed toward an epidemic–especially since a whole bunch of funding for scientific research is getting cut.”

“So we’re all gonna become like zombies or something?”

“Worse, we’re gonna die from a stupid cold.”

“Aren’t you putting yourself at greater risk for a cold by not using the hand gel?”

“Yeah, but if I get a cold now, I’m building a stronger immune system, see? So when the future super germs come, I’ll already have antibodies–or something like that. If you think about it, it’s probably healthier in the long run for me to lick the subway pole than to use that hand gel.”

“Yeah? Do it then.”

“What?”

“Stop talking big if you aren’t gonna act. Lick the pole. Or use the gel.”

(Beat)

“Oh fine. Give me a dab.”